


five months two weeks and four days

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Angst, F/F, POV Second Person, first work wow, so this isnt a dream bubble to clarify, the capitalization was a stylistic choice, this is cliche? but i liked writing it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 03:39:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11455215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: jane meets roxy in a dream after not seeing her for a long time.





	five months two weeks and four days

you're dreaming.

maybe it's the haziness of it all, or the weird feeling in your limbs like they aren't really yours, but it's probably the fact that roxy lalonde, who you haven't seen in five months, two weeks, and four days is standing in front of you. in any case, all of these factors bring you to one conclusion: you are dreaming. you must be.

she smiles like she's happy to see you and it makes you want to cry. “janey! oh, i feel like it's been ages!”

you don't know if you should respond. she isn't real, she hasn't come back, isn't coming back. she left and your friends all tell you to move on, it's healthier not to dwell on it. but fuck it, you need to talk with her even if it really isn't her. you deserve to be selfish for once.

“me too! it's been so long since we've talked.” you return her smile.

“yeah, _too_ long!” she pulls you in for a hug, and you note that you don't smell the alcohol that used to be typical. instead, when you pull away, you are left with a faint smell of cherries. it suits her, you think.

“so, uh.” you are at a loss for words. you don't know how to start. “how-how've you been?” you decide. simple.

“oh, i've been good! my new place is so nice-janey, you've gotta come visit sometime!”

you chuckle, “i don't believe i _can_ , roxy. sorry. i'd love to! i just....can't.” 

she frowns but doesn't question it. the feeling in your dream is empty, cold, and it leaves you wishing for something more. roxy is your only source of warmth in this dream, your only escape.

“oh, okay! well, we can talk now at least. so, any _neeeews_?” she wiggles her eyebrows and you find yourself actually, really smiling. “c'mon, i know you've gotta have someone special in your life by now! but not more special than me, right?”

you laugh and shake your head. “no one more special than you, roxy! no one special at all, in fact. not in the way you're talking about.”

“oh? and why hasn't the lovely miss jane crocker got herself a partner by now?” she places a hand on her hip, inquiring. you wonder if you should tell her or not.

“it's just-” you stop yourself. even when you're dreaming and there are no repercussions whatsoever in any way, you can't seem to admit it...

“it's just?”

“i, well, i had my eye on someone, but i can't be with them anymore-so it's been hard to even think about being committed to someone else, you know?” you pause there.

“i guess so. but then who's the someone you're talking about?” she seems more actually concerned now, like she really cares. _'but she can't care, or else she wouldn't have left-'_

“well. see, here's the thing. it doesn't matter, they're gone. so why dwell on it.” you attempt to dismiss her questions, but

“i think you can tell me, at least-”

“roxy, it really doesn't matter and i don't care to think about it! can we please leave it at that?” you take a deep breath and she seems taken aback. “sorry, roxy, i didn't mean to snap. i'll tell you in a bit, alright? just not now.”

she nods. “yeah, of course! sorry for pushing the topic.”

there's a brief silence. you avoid thinking at all, during it. “well, in the meantime, what's been going on with you?” you think that if she starts talking about _her_ love life, you would start crying.

“what's been going on with _me_ , huh.” she clicks her tongue before saying, “well, not much if i'm honest! my new house is nice, but it's awfully empty. kind of lonely, too. which is why I suggested you visit! sorry for dropping contact, by the way-i don't know why i did that? it doesn't seem like something i would do!” she frowns, staring off into the distance (what distance? you're surrounded by nothing but void).

“it's okay, roxy.” and you mean it. she smiles softly and hugs you again, lingering for longer. “i've missed you.” you admit.

“i've missed you, too.” she sounds so genuine and you start to forget it's a dream until she says something that brings you back. “i need to visit you more often! like, your actual house.”

you gulp and instead of saying no, you just tell her, “yes, that would be lovely.”

when she stops hugging you, there's a brief silence. it isn't awkward, it's just a peaceful gap between conversations. you fight back tears because it is all so familiar.

“i hope you know i wouldn't just abandon you, jane, there's gotta be a reason. i just can't think of it!” she furrows her brows and thinks. you already know the answer. you don't respond.

you spend a few minutes, or maybe hours, you can't tell, gathering up courage. thinking about whether you should even say what you're planning on saying. it won't matter, can't matter. so why not? “roxy?”

“yeah?”

and here it is. “i'm in love with you.”

“oh.” her eyes widen and your heart stops in your chest.. “janey...” the silence is suffocating.

and then she grins.

“janey! oh my gosh, janey, that's great! i've loved you for so long-” you interrupt her.

“roxy, don't. don't tell me that.” your voice wavers.

“but it's totally true-”

“i don't care if it's true, nothing will come of it.” and you're so so happy to hear her say that, but it hurts because you won't be able to be a couple. you won't go on dates, won't kiss, won't do domestic couple things, _you can't_.

“i don't understand.” she looks heartbroken and you're sure you do too, you're crying.

“roxy, it has been five months, two weeks, and four days since i last saw you, and longer since we've spoken.”

“has it been that long?”

“yes, roxy, it _has_ , because five months, two weeks, and four days ago i attended your funeral.”

it's true.

when you wake up, roxy lalonde will be dead, and you will be alone.

but for now you can pretend.

**Author's Note:**

> that could have been better, admittedly, but this is the first fanfic i have ever, ever posted so.


End file.
